‘I am enough; it’s a phrase we hear a lot about, but how many of us really feel that way?

I remember reading an article in a daily newspaper where ten high profile women wrote a letter to their bodies, it made for heart-breaking reading, one by one they criticised and attacked the parts of themselves they hated, barely managing to find even a measly moment of satisfaction as they eschewed everything from the size of their bottom to their unruly hair.

Over the years, as I have been a Hay House author I have become steeped in the ‘love yourself first’ theory, Louise herself was a staunch advocate of looking in a mirror, regularly (she kept a tiny one in her bra so she could whip it out at opportune moments) and saying…”I love you…xxx” (your name).

It doesn’t come easily to us, most of us have the inner critic berating us loudly in at least one ear, and in truth, if the words we said to ourselves were spoken out loud to a child, we’d be had up for abuse.
Of course, it’s not only about looks, we constantly run the stories of…’I’m not good enough, talented enough, successful enough, and confident enough’…

These limiting beliefs can massively impact on our wellbeing and our success, as we constantly reinforce to our subconscious mind that we are not ‘enough’ of whatever it is we feel we are lacking in. Recently I have had some disappointments in my career, nothing too terrible, but enough to leave me thinking…’I’m not enough.’ I’ve written a novel, and despite having written 5 books before, with two Amazon number one best sellers to my name, fiction is very different and my first attempt at securing the agent I wanted didn’t materialise. Instead of shaking myself off and trying again I literally ‘sat’ on my book for months and felt a bit sorry for myself. I made lots of jokes to the kids ‘I think I’ll go and eat worms’ when we went out for a coffee and snack, hubby would joke…Want worm pie? Oh, how we laughed, but actually this was reinforcing these negative beliefs deeply into my subconscious mind. I felt steeped in self-pity and lack of self-belief and I felt unable to shake myself out of it.

Enter into the frame Cat Raincock, a transformational hypnotherapist and coach. Cat has been there herself and got the T-shirt. As a new mum she felt overwhelmed, she realised she was at breaking point with negative self-talk and she went on a mission to transform her life. Cat made the commitment to herself to rewrite her past, visualise her future and each day she took daily action to achieve her goals. Cat now offers transformational hypnosis along with coaching. Cat explains that hypnosis unpicks the subconscious and gives the client the answers to their current emotional state i.e. anxious, angry, depressed. Her coaching then takes this new-found information and she applies it to their daily life so that they can consciously break the patterns.

I booked Cat for a 90-minute Skype session to have a look at my ‘confidence’ issues. It seemed a little odd, because clearly I am already a confident person, I am regularly on air speaking to 9 million people, I’m a regular on stage speaking in front of thousands, and I have no problem saying what I think!…but when it came to putting my novel out there and pitching to agents, something was holding me back. We did the session by Skype and started by discussing my situation.

I had to be very honest with Cat and admit that I am a funny mix. On one hand I wholeheartedly believe in manifesting your dreams, in magic, and being in alignment with energy flow, but on the other hand I am very realistic, and recognise that it could be that my novel is in fact a crock of s**t and that’s the reason I was turned down by my chosen literary agent! Cat answered this calmly; for starters, she asked me directly, “Do you honestly believe your book is good?” I had to acquiesce I really did. ‘Are you aware of the amount of rejections J.K Rowling had?’ She asked… Ah yes! I’d forgotten about that. I also remembered that the wonderful Julia Cameron, author of ‘The Artists Way’ who I interviewed for Hay House Radio, told me that her first novel was rejected 43 times! There was a publishers bidding war on the 44th attempt. Cat suggested that I was suffering from a classic case of lack of self-belief, it’s very common.

‘We all pick up limiting self-beliefs in our early childhood. Children are naturally narcissistic and when they feel unloved, not worthy, not enough, they turn it on themselves and believe it’s because of them and that they aren’t loveable, when in fact it’s simply the parent who is preoccupied, addicted and doesn’t feel enough. We take these beliefs through to adulthood until they are healed’

Cat began the hypnosis part of the session by ‘counting me down’ into a meditative state. Despite being in my home office, and on the camera via Skype, I did feel relaxed, she has an extremely soothing voice! She ‘took me back’ to various childhood memories of times when I didn’t feel ‘enough’ and asked me to say how I felt. It was quite eye-opening, after a few revelations it became very clear that I had – like most people, taken a bunch of knocks in childhood, been unfairly treated by teachers, been at the mercy of well-meaning parents, failed at certain tests and exams that had been important to me, been let down in relationships, there was in fact a plethora of ‘not enough’s’ rattling around my sub conscious mind.

If you’re thinking “I could never be hypnotised” there’s no need to worry, you are ‘conscious’ throughout, but it’s surprisingly relaxing and definitely enlightening as Cat works to free you from judgement, release you from the clutches of the inner critic, and as her words embedded into my subconscious mind I found myself feeling more self-belief, and feeling….enough.

Cat encourages you to embrace the feeling of alignment within your body, to embed those feelings of self-confidence and self-worth into your subconscious mind. She pointed out that when you feel and know you are ‘enough’ it radiates out from you and others start to believe in you too.

A week after our session, I am still listening daily to the recording Cat made exclusively for me, it’s so helpful to put that on, to reinforce the beliefs into the subconscious, and I am feeling a bit better. I feel closer to my dreams, I feel a sense of excitement about going after them, and if I fail to attract the perfect agent and publisher …because just like JK Rowling it’s likely for the first few attempts ….then I know it’s because they weren’t the right connections for me, and I will carry on. If I’m rejected I will see ‘NO’ as n for next and o for opportunity, and I look forward to the Next Opportunity.

Cat is practical though too, it isn’t all floating around being ‘woo woo’, she states the importance of putting the work in. Cat believes it’s important to ‘take action every day towards your goals, because the act of beginning starts the flow of ideas, it’s just that most of us procrastinate…

As Cat reminds us, (and this will resonate with lots of you), If your goal is to write a book, remember its one sentence at a time, write for 15 mins if that’s all you have. Julia Cameron says, ‘steal time’…don’t buy into that concept of ‘I must go away on a long holiday to write my book’ she says if you have a ten-minute bus ride, write a few sentences, if you’re in a waiting room, grab your notebook and knock out a paragraph or two.

Whether you want to gain more confidence, start your business, or even want help with healing a condition, Cat is a remarkable practitioner. I’m definitely feeling stronger, no more ‘worms’ on the menu, I’ve got my mojo back and I am doing a bit every day, whether that be researching agents, publishers or re-editing my work. Watch this space – literary fiction chick lit world…I Am Enough…. best seller here  I come!

Oh and in the cafe…Mine’s a coconut flat white…hold on the worm pie…

www.catraincock.com

Janey Lee Grace is the author of the forthcoming novel ‘Love, Lies and Enlightenment’.

 

Love is in the air! It certainly will be next week when the commercial side of Valentines Day will go into overdrive. True love is a splendid thing and so is self-love, not to confused with arrogance or self-absorption, you may wonder what self-love has to do with Media and PR?….So many people can often be held back from growing their business due to lack of self-esteem and self-love. Here’s a range of insight and tips from my #changemakers…

Let’s start with some tips and wisdom from Cat Raincock who is a woman who has changed her life, from feeling totally overwhelmed, neglected and unhappy, to now living the life she dreamt of as a kid. Cat can help you prioritize yourself and guide you to transform into the best version of you! She suggests the following:

We hear the term self-love all the time and I am a great believer in it. To learn to love yourself is the greatest empowerment there is but it is such a blanket term that it can be confusing about exactly what we need to do to self-love. That’s why I talk mostly about self-care as it is the act of self-love. When we self-love, we nourish ourselves on an emotional, spiritual and physical level and it’s the commitment we all need to make to ourselves.

Self-care is free, it’s immediate and it’s available to you! Start today, it is greatest gift you can give yourself this year – why not start this Valentine’s Day.

What constitutes self-care? Stop saying ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no’, accepting invitations to things you ‘should’ go to rather than you ‘want’ to go to, burning candles at both ends, consuming toxic food, taking on more than you can manage because you won’t delegate.

Start, taking a bath and having some peace and quiet to rest your mind, cancel plans because you need to rest, eating clean nourishing food, do exercise you love, tuning in to yourself, meditating or doing yoga – all of these help to rebalance and reset your system.

www.catraincock.com

 

Cai Graham Parenting Expert suggests learning the art of saying ‘No’ and putting yourself first, this one is especially for mums.

We are ALL busy people – and there are very few of us who get the balance ‘just right’. However, what I am finding is that women, and in particular Mums, are the worst offenders. Whether it’s our upbringing, society, or just plain old Mother Nature (my guess is that it’s a combination of all three), we are programmed to Nurture … our children, our partners, our friends and family, our colleagues … but we forget about ourselves.

We end up ‘running on empty’ feeling frazzled and exhausted and often even a little bit resentful – and as a result are unable to give of our best to anybody. So, I encourage you to look after yourself a bit more, be kinder to yourself and put yourself back on your to-do-list. Dare I say it … put yourself first for a change. Do what makes you SHINE: Go to the gym, stop working so late, meet up with friends, learn to say No – whatever works for you. It’s certainly not selfish – your family and friends will thank you for it!

www.caigraham.com

 

Judith Quinn, is a public speaking and vocal confidence specialist, and sound healer, and she says:

It is vital to remember the things that we love about ourselves because what we focus on, we create more of. Surely, we all want to create more love?

“I hate my thighs.” “I hate my teeth.” “I hate the sound of my voice.” “I hate my….”

How many times a day or week do you say you HATE something about yourself? “STOP! Now!”

Words have their own power and energy because they have their own physical sound vibration. Take a look at the work of Dr.Emoto and the incredible experiments he did on the shape and energy of words in water crystals. If even a written word can create either distorted (Hate) or beautiful (Love) shapes in water, imagine what you are doing to the water that makes up most of your body, every time you say or think you hate something about yourself. Instead try finding things to love, or the next time you say something derogatory, counteract and balance it by saying out loud three things you love about yourself. You will create an energy that is higher vibration. You will carry yourself differently. You will sound different in your tone of voice. You will create more love. So always choose your words wisely when speaking to, or about, both yourself and others; the words you use help shape the energy of the space you’re in.

www.yourwholevoice.com

Liz Hancock helps struggling and overwhelmed entrepreneurs, coaches, therapists and practitioners charge their worth and feel fabulous about it! She says:

I used to think loving yourself was vain and self-indulgent. I now know it’s the complete opposite. It’s a SELFLESS act! Why? Because it makes you a MUCH NICER, KINDER, BETTER person! Friend, Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Aunty, Employer, person that someone has to interact with on the roads, in the carpark, the supermarket etc! Self-love is NOT always putting your own feelings and annoyances before anyone else or thinking you’re better than anyone else. It’s about making time for yourself – to nurture your own health and wellbeing, whatever that means to you.

For me, self-love is setting myself up calmly and lovingly for the day ahead. Not beating myself up if I’m slower than usual, practising gratitude or praying. It’s ensuring that I have healthy food in the house and allowing myself to have chocolate if I really want it! It’s not allowing others to upset me, to calmly address something if it needs to be addressed and not having it eat away at you. It’s about having boundaries and saying if something doesn’t work for you. It’s letting go of total control and allowing myself to USE the tools I have at my fingertips to calm me when I’m stressed.

Self-love is not self-indulgent, selfish or vain. Self-love is essential to the care and nurturing of not just ourselves, but our loved ones and humanity as a whole too! Love Yourself first, and you can love others a whole lot more!

www.elizabethmaryhancock.com

 

Nadia Smith, author of “How did I get These?”, monthly columnist for the online Healing Energy Magazine, and Founder of True To Our Roots Qi Gong says this about Self-Love:

“Being willing to love ourselves means that we are greeting life with acceptance rather than resistance. By resisting we see life through the fog of our pre-conditioned beliefs, opinions and a veil of mind-stuff, keeping life complicated and painful.” (Learning to Love Yourself” by Gay Hendricks.).

Dropping resistance means reconnecting with our true self and really feeling alive, it means that rather than paddling upstream we turn our canoe and start flowing downstream with the current.

When we feel sad, angry, worried, anxious or fearful it is best to allow these emotions to emerge from the depth of our being and honour them rather than suppress them, otherwise they become medical conditions. This is something we address in True To Our Roots Qi Gong as in Traditional Chinese Medicine our internal organs are very much the home of our emotions. Learning to connect with them and allowing the expression of these feelings to emerge helps us to heal and nurture ourselves at a deep level.

Becoming our own detective as to why we have trapped emotions and their origins, could be a clarifying exercise in helping remove the resistance of loving ourselves, for example what happened to our mothers as far back as when we were unborn, which could have affected our emotional state, or how we were treated and taught during childhood, adolescence and adult life. All circumstances which could be at the root of us feeling unlovable, unworthy, angry, sad or fearful.

Anita Moorjani (author of “Dying to be Me.”) suggests we treat ourselves as if we were our own best friend, instead of bullying and berating ourselves – after all we would never speak to a friend the way we talk to or about ourselves?

According to Anita “We don’t have to earn love – it is our birth right.”

Here are some tips from her second book, “What if this is Heaven?”

Questions to ask yourself.

• – How can I love myself more?
• – What would I be doing right now if I did love myself?
• – How can I support myself more through whatever challenge I’m facing?
• – How can I best be an example to youngsters around me in showing them the importance of self-love?

Once you begin to make choices which are fun to you rather than worrying about what others think of you, you stop feeling guilty when things go well for you, you accept compliments graciously, and you learn the art of saying “no”, then you know that you are heading in the direction of least resistance and that of self-love.

www.truetoourroots.co.uk